Sunday, June 7, 2009

It used to be that I remembered everything
It used to be that I could be your queen
Now nothing is the way it seems

The last 6 months.

Note to self:
be careful
Be aware
Lines are blurred now when you're sober
This may be something bigger than you expect.

Last night
The night in June
You let her in
the side door slid quietly
Sneaking around for fun.

Tonight the wind is dark and beautiful
The sky is bright
Like a song in five-four
The rain drops crescendo
A ladies voice sings sweetly
in the corners of the room
Running your tongue over your teeth

The light switch waits to be turned on
You picture it
The new dress
The fashion show
She's concerned - conscious
Pages dampen

Cute as a button
Stiff as a board.

"Like two curious kittens
In the kitchen window
Looking out."
That's seriously what she said to me
Without moving her mouth.
And after the fireworks were done in Detroit we walked like cattle away from the park.
And the homeless man sang to us - shaking a cup full of change - "Have a heart"
He told us.

Drove to KY and almost died.

This song is called Bigfoot
It's about invisible monsters.
It's about waking up before the crow of the rooster
Because you're searching for something
And some people sing holy holy
While others dig their fingernails in deep
Mostly because it was never enough
To cut your wrist for practice
We need the attention
We never deserved.

The feeling is never mutual.
An Addiction is a promise.

The next morning I woke with a shiner on my right eye. "I guess I didn't own you," I thought to myself. I've tried countless times to blame my mistakes on my parents. You know, the way most people tend to do. It was never that bad for me growing up. I resent that. So I'll be in when the headlights on the hoods of cars are most bright. The Time of the night when you're sure everyone is sleeping, working, weeping, or keeping a secret from their lover.
I'll be in before first light.

A short list of things:

- R.I.P. Green Hornet (1996-2008)
- Had a nice 68 Schwinn for a while but it's gone now.
- Bought a new digital camera but I dropped it in a cup of ice water.
- Failed my classes for 4,000 dollars.

But Language is my long lost lover.
Fingering my forearm.
Under the covers
Crawling around my wrists
And then the rest of me
So she starts tying herself
As you'd expect a bracelet to do
Something to show off to your girlfriends
At a cocktail party
Prefacing the main event.
Or maybe
she's twisting
over my visible veins
Like a terrible tattoo
One you learn from

Or make the same mistake again.
Reading the words
The spelling tortures me
'I" before "E"
It teases
Receiving a tether
Compliments of the mother
Wherever she may be.

"Just tell it to my number 2!" he yelled.
"Lifeless in the old bedroom…"
The walls still stand baby blue
From the day of my birth.
The woman who brought me here
Sleeps alone at night
No man to make her his wife
hear her weeping lowly in the kitchen
Calmly chopping vegetables
Knife in hand
Asks me nicely to set the table

Dinner is never ready.

It used to be that I remembered everything
It used to be that I could be your queen
Now nothing is the way it seems

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